Goals of this Lesson

Welcome to the first lesson in the Mentor Leadership Training Course. In this lesson, you will learn how to communicate effectively with your partner.

  Introduction

Here are two examples of interactions involving a young adult who uses AAC (Sam) with two different mentors (George and John). Imagine that you were Sam. Which of these mentors would you want — George or John? Why?

	E-mail message from Sam: (Sam is a young adult who uses AAC who is attending college.) "I think my AAC device makes me look disabled.  I want to make my device look cool."
	Response from Mentor #1: George "Stop worrying about how you look. I don’t worry about other people. You shouldn’t either."
	Response from Mentor #2: John "Sam, it sounds as if you are worrying about how you look with your AAC system. Can you tell me more about what you want to do with your system and why? Try to give me some specific examples. I remember I worried a lot about what other people thought of me when I was your age. It’s hard sometimes. I bet we can think of some really cool ideas for your device."

Which of these mentors does a better job helping Sam — George or John? Imagine that you were Sam. Which of these mentors would you want — George or John? Why?

Let’s take a close look at the communication skills used by these two mentors.

Let’s look at George’s response first:

	E-mail message from Sam: (Sam is a young adult who uses AAC who is attending college.) "I think my AAC device makes me look disabled.  I want to make my device look cool."
	Response from Mentor #1: George "Stop worrying about how you look. I don’t worry about other people. You shouldn’t either."

In this interaction:

• The mentor (George) doesn’t take the time to really listen to his partner, Sam.
• He doesn’t take the time to ask questions to find out more about Sam and how he is feeling.
• He doesn’t focus on Sam; instead he talks about himself.
• He criticizes Sam.
• He reacts quickly without considering the impact of his response.

The mentor, George, uses poor communication skills.

Now let’s look at John's response:

	E-mail message from Sam: (Sam is a young adult who uses AAC who is attending college.) "I think my AAC device makes me look disabled.  I want to make my device look cool."
	Response from Mentor #2 : John "Sam, it sounds as if you are worrying about how you look with your AAC system. Can you tell me more about what you want to do with your system and why? Try to give me some specific examples. I remember I worried a lot about what other people thought of me when I was your age. It’s hard sometimes. I bet we can think of some really cool ideas for your device."

In this interaction:

• The mentor, John, listens to Sam and shows that he respects and cares about him.
• He asks some specific questions to make sure that he understands what Sam is saying.
• He focuses on what Sam is saying.
• He shares some of his own experiences to encourage Sam.

The mentor, John, uses positive communication skills.

Which of these mentors do you think will be more effective?

You can increase your effectiveness as a mentor by using positive communication skills like Mentor #2, John.

  What communication skills will I need as a mentor?

As a mentor, it will be important for you to:

• Listen to your partner (the adolescent or young adult whom you are mentoring),
• Ask questions to make sure that you understand what your partner is telling you,
• Focus on what your partner wants to talk about.

When we teach students at Penn State to use positive communication skills, we remind them to LAF, don’t CRY. Each of the letters in this saying is used to remind students of something that they should do (LAF) or shouldn't do (don't CRY).

You will be a better mentor if you remember to LAF. Here are what the letters stand for:

	Listen and communicate respect	Before you send a message to your partner, ask yourself: Did I read the message carefully before I responded? Did I show that I care?
	Ask questions	Did I get enough information to understand what my partner is telling me? Did I ask good questions?
	Focus on what your partner is saying	Did my response show that I am thinking about What my partner is saying and How my partner is feeling?

	Don’t Criticize	Before you send a message to your partner, ask yourself: Did I remember not to criticize or judge my partner?
	Don’t React too quickly	Did I give careful thought to what I was saying to my partner? Did I think about the impact of what I was saying?
	Don’t Yakkity yak yak!	Did I allow my partner the chance to talk?

 

  Why is it important to remember to LAF, don’t CRY?

If you remember to LAF (don’t CRY),

1. You will really understand what your partner is talking about.
2. You will be sure that you are focusing on the issues that are most important to your partner.
3. You will get to know your partner much better.
4. You will let your partner know that you care and that you want to work with him or her.
5. Your partner will feel more comfortable talking to you.
6. He or she will feel more motivated to work with you to solve problems and achieve goals.

  How do I use the LAF, don’t CRY strategy when my partner sends me a message?

Let’s look at the example of the interaction between Sam and his mentor, John (Mentor #2). In this interaction, John remembered to use the LAF, don’t CRY strategy. Let’s see how he did it.

	E-mail message from Sam: (Sam is a young adult who uses AAC who is attending college.) "I think my AAC device makes me look disabled.  I want to make my device look cool."
	Response from Mentor #2 : John "Sam, it sounds as if you are worrying about how you look with your AAC system. Can you tell me more about what you want to do with your system and why? Try to give me some specific examples. I remember I worried a lot about what other people thought of me when I was your age. It’s hard sometimes. I bet we can think of some really cool ideas for your device."

In this interaction, John, the mentor, remembers to LAF:

• Listens to Sam and shows that he cares. John writes: "Sam, it sounds as if you are worrying about how you look with your AAC system."
• Asks specific questions to make sure that he understands Sam’s problem. For example, John writes: "Can you tell me more about what you want to do and why? Try to give me some specific examples."
• Focuses on the issue that Sam raises. John focuses on Sam’s concern about his AAC system and how he looks; John doesn’t get distracted and talk about other things.

John remembers that he should NOT CRY. In his message to Sam, he remembers

• Not to criticize Sam
• Not to react too quickly before he really understands what Sam is saying
• Not to yakkity yak yak. John remembers not to take over and do all the talking. He remembers to give Sam the chance to talk about the issue and think about what he wants to do.

 Check Step

Before you go any further, check to see that you remember the LAF, don't CRY strategy:

 After you have sent your message (and returned to this page), click here to continue with the Communication Skills lesson.

This research is supported by Grant #H133G8004 from The National Institute on Disability and Rehabilitation Research (NIDRR). The opinions expressed here do not necessarily reflect those of the National Institute on Disability and Rehabilitation Research and no official endorsement should be inferred.